


"Hermann Has a Conniption"

by Macremae



Series: Sanitatem Cordis [3]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Ice Cream, M/M, don;t take this seriously pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 21:45:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15276846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macremae/pseuds/Macremae
Summary: Newt escapes the Shatterdome. Takes place whenever you want.





	"Hermann Has a Conniption"

**Author's Note:**

> don't you dare judge me for this, i was drunk

The Shatterdome control room was in an absolute state. Techs were flying back and forth across the room, papers were everywhere, and every screen was plastered wall to wall with maps and data. Jules barked into her headset, her fingers flying across the keyboard as she downed half a cup of coffee. Hermann paced in front of the main hologram, his cane tapping loudly on the metal floor. He bounced his good leg nervously, trying to talk himself down from what might have become a full-blown panic attack.

“Gottlieb!” Jake said, striding over to him. “Think. Is there anywhere he could possibly be right now? Do the Precursors have another stronghold we don’t know about?”

Hermann shook his head. “None that I’m able to recall. Could he have returned to his old apartment?”

“We’re sending a team there right now, but there’s no way to know for sure.” Jake worked his jaw. “Damnit. God-shitting-damnit.”

“Language,” Hermann muttered. 

Nate joined them on the floor, putting a hand on Jake’s shoulder. “What about the Ghost Drift?” he said. “Can you feel anything through there?”

“Er…” said Hermann, trying to push aside his panic and reach for any connection left. “He’s… concentrating. Very, very hard. I think he might be trying to fight back.”

“Well that’s good,” said Jake, “that might slow him down, at least a little bit.”

“Are we gonna need the cadets?” Nate asked, his brow furrowed. Jake looked pale. 

“I’ve got no idea where they are, mate. They’re gone.”

Hermann’s stomach turned. “So is Eleanor. You don’t think…”

Nate nodded grimly. “They’ve probably gone out to stop him. Which was a very, very bad idea.”

“Has anyone tried calling them?” Jake asked. Nate shot him a glare.

“They don’t have _phones_ , Pentecost! They’re _cadets_!”

“What about your daughter?” Jake said. “Does she have a phone?”

Hermann nodded. “I could try. Put it up on the screen.”

He dialed the number and gave the phone to Jake, who placed it on a desk and tapped it a few times. A call screen appeared on the main hologram, flashing green. The dial tone sounded for a few seconds, then went through.

“What?” came Rook’s voice through the speakers.

“Eleanor!” Hermann said, clutching tightly at his cane. “Where are you? Are you with the cadets?”

“Yeah, we’re in the van. Why?”

He sighed. “Newton has escaped. We have no idea where he is, or what the Precursors are planning. You need to come back to the Shatterdome immediately.”

“Oh, he’s right here,” said Rook casually.

The entire control room went deadly silent. Hermann choked out, “W- What?”

“Yeah,” she continued, “Amara told him Nate wouldn’t take them out for ice cream, so we’re going to Baskin Robbins. You want anything?”

“I--” Hermann stammered, “I-- what? Is he there?”

“Yeah, gimme a sec.” She shouted away from the receiver, “Hey Newt! Hermann doesn’t want anything!”

“Okay,” came Newt’s voice. “Tell him that he can’t get mad, though.”

“Hey Hermann, Newt says you can’t get--”

“I know what he said!” Hermann snapped. “Ask him what the bloody hell he thinks he’s doing?”

Rook sighed. “Fine. Newt! Hermann’s mad at you!”

“Rook,” said Newt, “that’s great, and not that big of a surprise, but I kinda need to focus right now. I think I forgot how to drive.”

“HE’S DRIVING YOU?!”

“Yeah, duh. None of us know how.”

“NEITHER DOES HE!”

“Newt!” came Amara’s voice, “you missed that stop sign!”

“Shit!” Newt said. “Warn me next time!”

“Should I give him the phone?” Rook asked.

“No!” Hermann shouted. “Don’t-- tell him to turn the car around immediately!”

“Too late for that,” said Jinhai, “we’re almost there.”

“Newt, don’t turn yet!” Vik shouted, “that’s not Baskin! That’s Dunkin’ Donuts!”

“I know what a fucking Dunkin’ Donuts is, thanks,” Newt replied. “I lived in Boston for college.”

“You missed another stop sign!” shouted Ilya.

“Goddamnit!”

Hermann put his head in his hands. “Eleanor,” he moaned, “will you please make sure he doesn’t get arrested?”

“No promises,” said Rook. “Also, I don’t think he’s used a turn signal once.”

Hermann resisted the urge to scream.

\---

When Hermann finally reached the Baskin Robbins, he staggered out of the car and stormed up to where the cadets and Newt were sitting. Suresh noticed him coming and snickered. “Oh shit,” he said, “this is gonna be amazing.”

“Newton!” Hermann roared, glaring fiercely at the offending man in front of him, who was currently making his way through a large scoop of rocky road. “What in the name of God’s green Earth did you think you were doing?!”

Newt shrugged, licking his spoon. “Uh… getting the kids some ice cream?”

“You-- you--” Hermann tried, feeling his face grow blazing hot, “you are technically still a prisoner of the PPDC! You’re not supposed to be off the base! What the bloody _hell_ did you hope to accomplish?!”

“He’s trying to prove that he’s still cool,” Jinhai said, stabbing his spoon into his sundae. “Amara told him he can’t use memes now that he’s over forty, and Newt got really mad about it.”

“I take it back,” said Amara, “he’s cool now.”

“Thank you, Namani,” said Newt smugly. “I rest my case.”

Hermann closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths. When he opened them, the situation was still the same. Damnit.

He sighed, dragging his hand down his face. “You know you’re not supposed to have sugar yet, Newton. You need to gain back healthy weight.”

“Fuck you,” said Newt, pointing at Hermann with his spoon. “I haven’t had ice cream in ten years. I’m getting my goddamn rocky road.”

Hermann grabbed Newt by the hand and pulled him up from the bench. “Fine,” he huffed, “then I am getting some also.”

Hermann, despite rumors to the contrary, did not hate fun. He ordered a scoop of birthday cake, which fell into his acceptable parameters of whimsy. The woman at the counter had eye bags to rival Newt’s, and was drinking a large iced coffee when they approached. She eyed Newt over apathetically.

“Hey,” she said, “weren’t you the guy that tried to end the world two months ago?”

Newt nodded seriously. “Yes.”

The woman sighed. “Yeah okay. That’ll be three-fifty.”

After they had paid and rejoined the cadets, Hermann shook his head. “How on Earth did you know that would work?”

Newt laughed. “Hermann,” he said, “I worked in retail for six years, and throughout that time, I think three different felonists came in. Retail workers do not give a shit about who you are. We just want to go home.”

Hermann rolled his eyes and took a bite of his ice cream. They were undoubtedly getting court-martialed for this.


End file.
